A Bold Betrayal

Last night, after work, Kyle (who can now be identified as my roommate because of this story) and I decided to visit a bar where our friend works. We had never been to said bar, and since it's a block away from the Towers, we figured we'd give it a shot.

We came to the bar and saw the extreme lameness that was going down inside. Instead of walking in and giving it a one-drink chance, we did a lap around. There were two people sitting on the lawn, looking in on the lame dancing and douchenozzles getting beverages. We passed them on our way over to Squatter's, where we knew we could get some food and beers.

When we sat down, I noticed that a certain pretty lady sent me a text message asking how the bar was. I informed her of the lameness and our new destination. I also extended an invitation to join us.

She wasn't going to, but that was OK because I was hangin' with my buddy. A few minutes into a conversation about football season (regular season starts in two weeks!), I noticed that the couple from outside the lame bar came into Squatter's. I pointed them out to Kyle.

Mmmmmm! The veggie burger at Squatter's is absolutely delicious. As I went in for a third or fourth bite, I noticed the couple walking toward us. Since the bar was pretty busy and it took a little while for us to be seated, I figured they were just heading to a seat. That's when it happened.

The guy whips out a gun and sprays Kyle four or five times in the chest, then pops him in the face a couple times for good measure. Kyle got hosed.

Both of us were in shock, as we figured the assassinations were over and he had survived. We started asking questions about how he knew we were there — like ya do — but he wasn't giving any clues. I announced that I had to tell Esther that Kyle was hunted down, when I saw a look from Kyle's assassin, Allen.

It was like being in a Tarantino movie. It all started coming into focus. Kyle and I looked at each other. It clicked.

Esther set Kyle up.

Betrayal.

"Esther can never come over again," Kyle joked.

What is the moral of this story, kids? Don't invite girls to hang out? Bros before ... pretty girls who seem like they have good intentions? Don't eat at Squatter's? No, no and no. This story is amoral, and there's not much you can learn from it — other than the fact that Esther is a dirty trickster and can't be trusted ;)

May the Force be with you.