Monday, February 21, 2011

2 in One Day?! WTF, Batman?!

I've had a pretty contemplative day, to say the least. Thank science for my friends and family who have helped me sort out this quandary.

The verdict?

I'm staying in Utah.

Sure, I'm gonna get out someday, but doing so now would just mean I'm running away from my problems instead of confronting them.

It's time to live with discipline.

It's time to live within my means.

It's time to stop worrying about what I'll be doing in six months.

It's time to find the good parts of things like I used to, instead of immediately focusing on the bad.

Last but not least, it's time to just live. I'm 24, and I don't need to get everything figured out right away.

Blah, blah, blah.

No more feeling sad about being fired from the band, and no more looking back.

Bring it on, SLC — we've got some more time together.

May the Force be with you.

Should I Stay, or Should I Go Now?

Now that the dust has cleared from the fallout and I'm sans band, I've got some thinking to do.

My life has too much tension right now. On one hand, I want to get out, see the world, move away. On the other, I want to stabilize myself by getting this business going, saving up some money and starting a foundation for a safe and healthy future.

I've been hesitant to apply for what seems like the perfect job in New York for more than a week because I just can't seem to get my head on straight. I know I should apply and go through the process, then decide whether I want the job, but I just can't bring myself to load the gun — much less pull the trigger.

And what if I did move? I'd be forsaking the business I've been working so hard to start. I'd be plunging myself deeper into debt. I'd strangle a friendship I've been developing for more than half a year that has shades of something more.

But what if I DID move? I'd be getting out of this godforsaken hellhole of a cultural vortex. I'd experience one of the most exciting places in the world. I'd be on my way to a more promising career path. I'd be taking a chance — something I don't do enough.

Since being kicked out of the band, I don't have one of the few major things holding me back. But the few things keeping me here are big things.

Ah, hell. I talked myself into it — applying for it, at least.

May the Force be with you.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Falling Away from Me

I intentionally picked a song title from a band that started out great and eroded.

This weekend has been a rough one. Two arteries are draining, and I only have time to save one of the limbs. Though I've made my decision, the pools on either side refuse to fill the void in my chest.

Sorry for the flashy stuff, but it's one of those nights. Yeah, I decided something that I hoped I'd never have to. I'm not sorry for the ambiguity, since I need to tell the people who should hear first before I let anyone else know.

My life's been incredible for the past nine or so months, and it's taking what I hope is a tiny dip. I'll be more optimistic and happy in the coming days, I know, but for right now, I'm gonna wallow a bit.

Here's a sampling of what I'll be listening to in order to keep my head about me this evening.

May the Force be with you.