Now that the dust has cleared from the fallout and I'm sans band, I've got some thinking to do.
My life has too much tension right now. On one hand, I want to get out, see the world, move away. On the other, I want to stabilize myself by getting this business going, saving up some money and starting a foundation for a safe and healthy future.
I've been hesitant to apply for what seems like the perfect job in New York for more than a week because I just can't seem to get my head on straight. I know I should apply and go through the process, then decide whether I want the job, but I just can't bring myself to load the gun — much less pull the trigger.
And what if I did move? I'd be forsaking the business I've been working so hard to start. I'd be plunging myself deeper into debt. I'd strangle a friendship I've been developing for more than half a year that has shades of something more.
But what if I DID move? I'd be getting out of this godforsaken hellhole of a cultural vortex. I'd experience one of the most exciting places in the world. I'd be on my way to a more promising career path. I'd be taking a chance — something I don't do enough.
Since being kicked out of the band, I don't have one of the few major things holding me back. But the few things keeping me here are big things.
Ah, hell. I talked myself into it — applying for it, at least.
May the Force be with you.
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