I've had a pretty contemplative day, to say the least. Thank science for my friends and family who have helped me sort out this quandary.
The verdict?
I'm staying in Utah.
Sure, I'm gonna get out someday, but doing so now would just mean I'm running away from my problems instead of confronting them.
It's time to live with discipline.
It's time to live within my means.
It's time to stop worrying about what I'll be doing in six months.
It's time to find the good parts of things like I used to, instead of immediately focusing on the bad.
Last but not least, it's time to just live. I'm 24, and I don't need to get everything figured out right away.
Blah, blah, blah.
No more feeling sad about being fired from the band, and no more looking back.
Bring it on, SLC — we've got some more time together.
May the Force be with you.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Should I Stay, or Should I Go Now?
Now that the dust has cleared from the fallout and I'm sans band, I've got some thinking to do.
My life has too much tension right now. On one hand, I want to get out, see the world, move away. On the other, I want to stabilize myself by getting this business going, saving up some money and starting a foundation for a safe and healthy future.
I've been hesitant to apply for what seems like the perfect job in New York for more than a week because I just can't seem to get my head on straight. I know I should apply and go through the process, then decide whether I want the job, but I just can't bring myself to load the gun — much less pull the trigger.
And what if I did move? I'd be forsaking the business I've been working so hard to start. I'd be plunging myself deeper into debt. I'd strangle a friendship I've been developing for more than half a year that has shades of something more.
But what if I DID move? I'd be getting out of this godforsaken hellhole of a cultural vortex. I'd experience one of the most exciting places in the world. I'd be on my way to a more promising career path. I'd be taking a chance — something I don't do enough.
Since being kicked out of the band, I don't have one of the few major things holding me back. But the few things keeping me here are big things.
Ah, hell. I talked myself into it — applying for it, at least.
May the Force be with you.
My life has too much tension right now. On one hand, I want to get out, see the world, move away. On the other, I want to stabilize myself by getting this business going, saving up some money and starting a foundation for a safe and healthy future.
I've been hesitant to apply for what seems like the perfect job in New York for more than a week because I just can't seem to get my head on straight. I know I should apply and go through the process, then decide whether I want the job, but I just can't bring myself to load the gun — much less pull the trigger.
And what if I did move? I'd be forsaking the business I've been working so hard to start. I'd be plunging myself deeper into debt. I'd strangle a friendship I've been developing for more than half a year that has shades of something more.
But what if I DID move? I'd be getting out of this godforsaken hellhole of a cultural vortex. I'd experience one of the most exciting places in the world. I'd be on my way to a more promising career path. I'd be taking a chance — something I don't do enough.
Since being kicked out of the band, I don't have one of the few major things holding me back. But the few things keeping me here are big things.
Ah, hell. I talked myself into it — applying for it, at least.
May the Force be with you.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Falling Away from Me
I intentionally picked a song title from a band that started out great and eroded.
This weekend has been a rough one. Two arteries are draining, and I only have time to save one of the limbs. Though I've made my decision, the pools on either side refuse to fill the void in my chest.
Sorry for the flashy stuff, but it's one of those nights. Yeah, I decided something that I hoped I'd never have to. I'm not sorry for the ambiguity, since I need to tell the people who should hear first before I let anyone else know.
My life's been incredible for the past nine or so months, and it's taking what I hope is a tiny dip. I'll be more optimistic and happy in the coming days, I know, but for right now, I'm gonna wallow a bit.
Here's a sampling of what I'll be listening to in order to keep my head about me this evening.
May the Force be with you.
This weekend has been a rough one. Two arteries are draining, and I only have time to save one of the limbs. Though I've made my decision, the pools on either side refuse to fill the void in my chest.
Sorry for the flashy stuff, but it's one of those nights. Yeah, I decided something that I hoped I'd never have to. I'm not sorry for the ambiguity, since I need to tell the people who should hear first before I let anyone else know.
My life's been incredible for the past nine or so months, and it's taking what I hope is a tiny dip. I'll be more optimistic and happy in the coming days, I know, but for right now, I'm gonna wallow a bit.
Here's a sampling of what I'll be listening to in order to keep my head about me this evening.
May the Force be with you.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
I Lied
Man, I'm terrible at updating blogs. Facebook is so easy, since it's just a short burst and it's always at my fingertips.
Anyway, work is crazy. I'm working six or seven nights a week at the paper and five days a week at the junior high. Sure, I'm burnt out, but I guess I enjoy being really busy. I'm looking forward to some free time in 2011, though. I've got vacation time to burn and overtime money to drop.
Mitch proposed to his girlfriend, which is awesome. I never thought he'd be the first. I'm so happy and excited for them. I can't wait for the wedding — that's gonna be some fun.
So, we moved the newsroom to the Triad Center across from the Delta Center. (Screw EnergySolutions, it's always gonna be the Delta Center.) My desk has a sweet view of it. I'm really excited, since I've started to train as a designer. I'm happy to be getting the experience and enjoy what I'm doing.
Kyle, Greg and I went to Vegas this weekend and had an AWESOME time. I won money and got drunk every day — woo! I got to see Jason Jarrard and Danny Franchow, whom I haven't seen in years. They seem to be doing well. Greg got to see girls with painted-on Thorrior jackets, and Kyle hit on a girl who wanted NONE of it. Homecoming 2010!
I'm exhausted and barely made it through this, so deal with it.
May the Force be with you.
Anyway, work is crazy. I'm working six or seven nights a week at the paper and five days a week at the junior high. Sure, I'm burnt out, but I guess I enjoy being really busy. I'm looking forward to some free time in 2011, though. I've got vacation time to burn and overtime money to drop.
Mitch proposed to his girlfriend, which is awesome. I never thought he'd be the first. I'm so happy and excited for them. I can't wait for the wedding — that's gonna be some fun.
So, we moved the newsroom to the Triad Center across from the Delta Center. (Screw EnergySolutions, it's always gonna be the Delta Center.) My desk has a sweet view of it. I'm really excited, since I've started to train as a designer. I'm happy to be getting the experience and enjoy what I'm doing.
Kyle, Greg and I went to Vegas this weekend and had an AWESOME time. I won money and got drunk every day — woo! I got to see Jason Jarrard and Danny Franchow, whom I haven't seen in years. They seem to be doing well. Greg got to see girls with painted-on Thorrior jackets, and Kyle hit on a girl who wanted NONE of it. Homecoming 2010!
I'm exhausted and barely made it through this, so deal with it.
May the Force be with you.
Saturday, October 2, 2010
I'm Baaaaaack
So, after about three weeks of neglecting my sweet, sweet blog, I've decided to get back on the horsey.
I went to a preseason Jazz game with Greg, Nic, Markness, Brad and Jason. That was a blast. We had more fun making commentary on the game than actually watching it.
Preeeeetty much everyone was super jealous of my new R2-D2 Droid 2. I'm actually jealous of myself, since I know I'll never own anything cooler.
In other news, I've been kind of a lame roommate and haven't been so awesome to be around lately. I've said my apologies and attempted to atone for it, but I'm sure I've got plenty more where that came from. I just hope I didn't leave any permanent damage.
Speaking of damage and roommates, I woke up this morning to Kyle yelling at me to get up. There was an alarm going off about an emergency in my building, and we needed to GTFO immediately. We grabbed our laptops and hoodies, ready to see all of our worldly possessions go up in flames. It turned out that one of our neighbors just turned her stove on and forgot to put water in a pot. That's what you get when you live with a bunch of 90-year-olds.
Oh, probably the biggest news in my blog laziness is that the Deseret News decided to hire me for a copy editing/design position. I got a sizable raise, a set schedule, benefits and some relative job security. I'm excited about it, since I really enjoy working for the paper.
It's that time again, I suppose: the time when I sign off for another period of who knows how long.
May the Force be with you.
I went to a preseason Jazz game with Greg, Nic, Markness, Brad and Jason. That was a blast. We had more fun making commentary on the game than actually watching it.
Preeeeetty much everyone was super jealous of my new R2-D2 Droid 2. I'm actually jealous of myself, since I know I'll never own anything cooler.
In other news, I've been kind of a lame roommate and haven't been so awesome to be around lately. I've said my apologies and attempted to atone for it, but I'm sure I've got plenty more where that came from. I just hope I didn't leave any permanent damage.
Speaking of damage and roommates, I woke up this morning to Kyle yelling at me to get up. There was an alarm going off about an emergency in my building, and we needed to GTFO immediately. We grabbed our laptops and hoodies, ready to see all of our worldly possessions go up in flames. It turned out that one of our neighbors just turned her stove on and forgot to put water in a pot. That's what you get when you live with a bunch of 90-year-olds.
Oh, probably the biggest news in my blog laziness is that the Deseret News decided to hire me for a copy editing/design position. I got a sizable raise, a set schedule, benefits and some relative job security. I'm excited about it, since I really enjoy working for the paper.
It's that time again, I suppose: the time when I sign off for another period of who knows how long.
May the Force be with you.
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Veganisms
So, I'm vegan for the week.
The one thing I've learned so far is that being vegan is difficult only because of all the work it takes to read every ingredient in the food. I stocked up on tofurkey, rice, bagels, nuts, fruits, vegetables; all the stuff a vegan may need.
I'm set to enjoy some delicious stirfry this evening, and I'm making pasta for a lunch option.
I could get used to this whole cooking thing.
Now, onto the rest of my life ...
I applied for a job in town and a job in Seattle. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for either. Seattle would be cool because I'd actually make decent money (even by nonteacher, nonjournalist standards) and live in my favorite city. The in-town job would be cool because I'd be able to stay in journalism and, most importantly, my sweet place. Regardless of what happens, life is good, though not without its stresses.
May the Force be with you.
The one thing I've learned so far is that being vegan is difficult only because of all the work it takes to read every ingredient in the food. I stocked up on tofurkey, rice, bagels, nuts, fruits, vegetables; all the stuff a vegan may need.
I'm set to enjoy some delicious stirfry this evening, and I'm making pasta for a lunch option.
I could get used to this whole cooking thing.
Now, onto the rest of my life ...
I applied for a job in town and a job in Seattle. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for either. Seattle would be cool because I'd actually make decent money (even by nonteacher, nonjournalist standards) and live in my favorite city. The in-town job would be cool because I'd be able to stay in journalism and, most importantly, my sweet place. Regardless of what happens, life is good, though not without its stresses.
May the Force be with you.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
I Got (Laid) Off
Welp, I figured it would happen, but it didn't go down like I had expected.
The News got rid of 43% of its work force Tuesday. Some were told they needed to get out that day, some were told they would stay with the paper and some were told they'd stick around as a transition force. I'm part of the transition team. My last day is Nov. 30, which is good because I have the whole month of December paid for at my place.
Since I've come across a major hurdle in life, I need to decide what's next. I've got a lot of ideas and a lot of time to figure stuff out. Here's a list of current possibilities I'm mulling over:
1. Move into my parents' house, get a dinky part-time job, substitute teach, give the band a year to do something, then A) be a professional musician; or B) quit the band and go to grad school.
2. Move into my parents' house, go to the U. to get a graduate teaching degree, then become a professor.
3. Move into my parents' house, tour with the band as much as possible, do the online graduate English program at USU, then be a high school English teacher in three years.
4. Stay out of my parents' house, quit the band and get a legitimate 9-5.
5. Move somewhere else like Seattle, San Diego, Boston, Philadelpha, Baltimore or Los Angeles to pursue ... really whatever.
6. Join the Teach for America program and go teach some low-income kids how to be awesome for two years.
7. Make Kyle pay all the rent, work a part-time job and watch lots of Netflix.
8. Stay at the AT with Kyle and strong-arm SLUG Magazine into giving me a paid position.
9. Do some freelance PR and writing.
10. Live on the streets with all the pleasant folks on Broadway and Main.
So, what do you guys think? What should I do?
May the Force be with you.
The News got rid of 43% of its work force Tuesday. Some were told they needed to get out that day, some were told they would stay with the paper and some were told they'd stick around as a transition force. I'm part of the transition team. My last day is Nov. 30, which is good because I have the whole month of December paid for at my place.
Since I've come across a major hurdle in life, I need to decide what's next. I've got a lot of ideas and a lot of time to figure stuff out. Here's a list of current possibilities I'm mulling over:
1. Move into my parents' house, get a dinky part-time job, substitute teach, give the band a year to do something, then A) be a professional musician; or B) quit the band and go to grad school.
2. Move into my parents' house, go to the U. to get a graduate teaching degree, then become a professor.
3. Move into my parents' house, tour with the band as much as possible, do the online graduate English program at USU, then be a high school English teacher in three years.
4. Stay out of my parents' house, quit the band and get a legitimate 9-5.
5. Move somewhere else like Seattle, San Diego, Boston, Philadelpha, Baltimore or Los Angeles to pursue ... really whatever.
6. Join the Teach for America program and go teach some low-income kids how to be awesome for two years.
7. Make Kyle pay all the rent, work a part-time job and watch lots of Netflix.
8. Stay at the AT with Kyle and strong-arm SLUG Magazine into giving me a paid position.
9. Do some freelance PR and writing.
10. Live on the streets with all the pleasant folks on Broadway and Main.
So, what do you guys think? What should I do?
May the Force be with you.
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